Today was just one of those days. I kicked the scarp of metal junk out of my way and continued down the luring passage. My electroboots bouncing on the ground, I could hear the metallic clanking in the background- even as I slid down the autorails. “Driving me crazy!” I muttered under my breath. “Dumb clankers.” I clutched my datachip tightly and headed towards platform one, holding my ears through all of the advertising. Oh the noise! “Today’s special… welcome back to entrepreneur services… half off for a limited time… don’t YOU want to be special…” Blah, blah, blah.
The systems display panel lit up the stairwell with a fiery torrent of adds. “For a limited time, YOU can be rich too.” I snorted and abruptly avoided the flow of holoscreens and ducked through the amphitheater. Now there was the exit! If I could just get to it. I nudged my way through the crowd muttering, “‘excuse me, pardon me.” I almost escaped from the luring furnishing store when suddenly a salesbot caught me by surprise.
Flustered, I tried to nudge my way through as the bot grabbed me by the arm. “You sir! Yes you.” I stopped in my tacks. “What?! Get away from me!” He stopped, raising a metallic arm with a credit counter. I could see the gears moving up from his err- belly to his mouth, etching out the words as he spoke. It made me sick, it was like looking at indigestion. Time to get away, I thought. “Whatever you’re selling I don’t want it.” It turned sharply, gears-a-whirling. “Yes sir, these are clean smelling and you do want it. Today is our “up and away” sale of starship parts.” Annoyed I turned to get a better look at the offender.
He was a typically sized seller humanoid, model K-5. I muttered, “Oh another one of you lot. K5’s have no etiquette programming.” To my unwelcome surprise, he reacted. “Model K5, etiquette programming active. Sir how may I assist you today? For only a small sum of credits we can make arrangements for any occasion. Weddings, parties, funerals…” Hmmp! I grunted. “The last time I had a K-5 at a wedding the cake fell on the bride and the room set on fire.” The humanoid turned, confused. “Sir I’m sorry, setting rooms on fire- not a part of my program. Attempting to defile private property will result in a credit fine to your account.” I stopped suddenly, angry clutching my datachip more tightly. “You can’t just- but I… look, I’m not interested. I’m NOT interested! Take your *crap* somewhere else!”
I turned to leave, but the bot started following me. “Yes, sir. We do delivery of our scrap. Where would you like me to have it delivered?” Oh, I was furious now. “To the dump!” I shouted, turning livid. “Along with your stupid etiquette programming. Hell, take your whole chassis with you, but leave me alone!” ” Sir, we charge extra for delivery beyond 4 parspec-” “Look. I don’t want- Anything! Goodbye!” “Yes, we give you good buys.” Oh I was steaming now. “Away with you!” ” Yes sir, today is our “up and away” sale-” “Arrg!” “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have that in stock.” I stopped for a moment.
Something wasn’t right about this. I’ve heard of pushy salesbots, but this was outrageous. “Excuse me, Fresh out?” “Yes, fresh out of arrg, sir we just ran out. We need replenishing, sir.” The machine suddenly jerked its head in a creaking motion. “But you have provided it, sir.” I slowly backed into the wall, clenching my fists as it advanced. “What is the meaning of this? Leave me alone!” I was squeezing the datachip now, my hands turning purple. “A fine has been added to your account, sir. We are fresh out of arrg, sir.”
“I… Wait!” There was a flash of light and I fell to the floor. The credit clip rolled gently from my hands, flashing “Amount depleted, credit 0.”
The last words I heard as I gasped for air… “Fine withdrawn. You provided it, sir.”
Written by Jedediah Jenk
notedmusic@gmail.com
The SciFi Spire 